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But for any of these laws to have been passed, one has to assume that someone somewhere actually tried to do one of the following; otherwise, some politicians had way too much time on their hands: — Florida once made it illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine.— You can’t marry the same man three times in some Kentucky townships.— It is illegal for men in Minnesota to have intimate sexual relationships with a live fish.

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— In North Carolina, it’s an offense to have sex in a graveyard. Wooing Made Wrong As if finding a date weren’t hard enough! — Women in Dyersburg, Tenn., cannot call a man for a date.

— If their car is in motion, male drivers in Detroit are banned from "ogling" women.

— It is illegal to serenade your girlfriend in Kalamazoo, Mich.

When it comes to sexual expression, exploration and pleasure, you may be a criminal and not even know it. While countries around the world are all guilty of trying to control our sex lives, the U. has more laws regulating sexual behavior than all the European countries combined. Laws protecting minors aside, most people will agree that the government should not be telling you what to do in your bedroom.

Both historically and currently, some of our most intimate moments have been made punishable by law. Outdated, unthinkable, erotophobic and downright ridiculous, we should thank our lucky stars that enforcing them is another matter. Sexual positions beyond missionary are illegal in Washington, D. As President Bush has said: "In our free society, people have the right to choose how they live their lives." The way I see it, what consenting adults do in their own bedrooms is their own business.

Sex toys are banned in some states, such as Alabama. But rather than go into a diatribe on the need for the government to stay out of our private sexual affairs, I think a good laugh is in order.

Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia. Who knew that you could land yourself in jail for any of the following? Don’t Get Caught Kissing When it comes to puckering up, you may need to keep a time check.

— If you’re in Idaho, you’re not allowed to engage in any type of public display of affection for more than 18 minutes.

— In Iowa, you've got a five-minute time limit to make out. Mencken’s definition of Puritanism as "the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" was well and alive when these were passed: — An ancient law in Alabama bans men from attempting to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, arts, deception, flattery or a promise of marriage." — Connecticut has a law forbidding any "private sexual behavior between consenting adults." We have to give them credit, though, for at least making this law pretty clear.

But that’s an eternity when you consider that it’s illegal to smooch for more than one second if you’re in Halethorpe, Md. Many laws simply invite the question of "how are they going to pull that one off? An old Florida statute states that two people cannot commit "unusual acts" together, but there’s no specification as to what that means!

— An old law in California made it illegal for either partner to reach climax before the other during foreplay. You know, some things you just never think about doing.

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