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Looky Looky28, who is 29 and 6ft tall, told me: “When it came out I deleted my face pic but then I realised the hackers already got everything.” He added: “Hopefully it just blows over.” On his profile he says he wants to meet someone “smart, witty, passionate..someone who has made up their mind. We married young and it was great but have grown in different directions to the point where it’s purely platonic.

Which I guess adds to the excitement.” It’s surprisingly quick to join the site, which was launched in Britain five years ago. It’s not coaxed back by “Let my tongue and hands explore.” Danger Mouse sums up the most common vibe. I’m just not sure how much fun the unsuspecting spouses are having... You seek friendship, romance, raw passion, uncomplicated sex?!?

There are a few boxes you can tick or choose not to. ” Funprime8, who says he is 39, says he’s had a range of experiences “It’s a mixed bag” he warns. “I need more fun and passion in my life (I’ve been married a while).

“Always view sexually explicit photos” is pre-selected, then you say what turns you on. “I was talking to a girl but it turns out she was a bloke. I’m not looking to sleep around and have loads of meaningless, low-grade sex. “I’ve actually been on here for a while and haven’t really gone any further than exchanging a couple of messages,” he admits.

Shouldn’t the cheating husbands be quaking in their boots?

Or pulling them on in a panic to rush out for a bunch of forecourt flowers?

And why aren’t all the wandering wives staying at home offering breakfast in bed or better?

After news that extramarital affair site Ashley Madison has been hacked, with the very real threat of 1.2 million British users seeing their personal details and sexual fantasies scattered liberally across the internet, I expected every covert clicker to have gone into domestic hibernation.

Even though the site “for married dating and discreet encounters” has 37 million global members, I thought I’d be riding into a cyberspace ghost town when I signed up on Tuesday morning posing as an “attached female seeking males”. In little more than one hour I’d had 12 “winks” (like a Facebook “poke”, only cheekier), racked up 10 “private photos” (bulging boxers and bathroom mirror selfies are standard), and had begun surprisingly cordial conversations with three would-be suitors.

Bear in mind that like most users, I’d posted just one blurry picture. Indeed, men do pose as women (more of that later...) On Monday British users couldn’t even access the site thanks to a bunch of hackers called the Impact Team, who say they took revenge because Ashley Madison, they claim, does not delete the personal info of subscribers who quit despite offering a paid option to do so. He is 37, and here to “play, chat, entertain and be entertained”.

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