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CHATTERBOX DIALOGUE Version 3 GRAND THEFT AUTO 3 This document was produced by Packing Heat ([email protected]) for the Playstation2 version of Grand Theft Auto 3 ** What's this all about? 17th June 2002 - Yes, "that guy" that Maria talks about is "that guy" that you play as. Remember, being fat can even ruin a romantic cruise! Or visit and sleep your way to a thinner, happier you!

** I wrote this some months ago, it's the full dialogue for the Chatterbox radio station of Grand Theft Auto 3. Someone's put together a really cool site with this document featured in a smooth HTML stylee. " Maibatsu Monstrosity (commercial) Man: "I'm a marketing manager who lives in the suburbs and commutes to work on the highway.

I just never turned it into an FAQ and left it on my computer. ** Updates ** 17th September 2002 - Nike thing Something about Nike and Ares running shoes in the Insight bit (from Dr. I live alone, so of course I needed a car that can seat 12 and is equipped to drive across arctic tundra..just makes me feel better! " Lazlow: "Eh-heh...nooo, I'm from up-state." Caller: "Are you sure that's not a fake radio name, like Andy or Bobo? " Lazlow: "Do you have a question, or do you wanna all day and talk about my name?

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16th May 2002 - haven't to round to updating in a while, but lots of corrections via emails. New section - Inter Relationships (via email from John). " Man: "That's right honey, no more escort services for me! Or Beverly, whatever your name is." Seg 3 - Vegetable man Lazlow: "Alright, next caller, you're on Chatterbox. I wanted to say something about these videogames, they are warping our kids minds. Bringing people, and the finest entertainment together." Lazlow: "Alright, hello next caller, you're on Chatterbox." Caller: "I wanna talk about that SPANK stuff.

23rd April 2002 - corrections coming from my Inbox. Commercial 1 - Dormitron "She was too fat for me, and I'll sleep with anything! Commercial 2 - Maibatsu Monstrosity 1 "The new Maibatsu Monstrosity... Now that I've lost 280 pounds, my husbands all mine again! Hello Jane..." Jane: "Hi Lazlow, I love the show, I'm a first time caller. I let my kid play video games, and now, he runs around the house looking for gold coins. My eldest has been playing this new videogame, called Pogo the Monkey..." Lazlow: "Yeah, I've heard of that one..." Jane: "The shop teacher called me today, and Sam made a home-made banana cannon in shop class, and was lobbing them across the street at a fast-food restaurant. Especially if you're in our key demographic." Donald Love: "Love Media.

Turn it on to 11 and burn those pounds away while a relaxing nights sleep! You know, albino carrots as they're known back home." Lazlow: "Okay, here's the deal - this isn't gardening with Maurice, that's on later! And it is possible, I tell ya." Seg 4 - Jane difficult parent Lazlow: "Okay, and speaking of impossible, Jane from Cedar Grove is on the line, and she wants to talk about how difficult it is being a parent today. " Lazlow: "Right, but this show does..." *beeeeep* "I love that button." Seg 5 - SPANKed up guy Lazlow: "You know, it's never a dull moment on this show. I think so...." Fernando: "For my people, it is the holiest, most sacrosanct thing imaginable. Yet, for it to be a happy marriage, it must also be like a brothel. The skill in making house, cooking, changing the diapers on the babies, and...must also be a whore.

" Man: "Except for exercising and eating right, porky! Just strap in your arms and legs, put on The Dormatron headset, then wrap yourself in the special high-voltage electric blanket. I been trying to make a hybrid of a peach and a Pekinese midget fighting bitch for the last two years. It is an honour to be here, I feel blessed." Lazlow: "Err, thanks, so tell me about 'Fernando's New Beginnings." Fernando: "Truly Lazlow, it is a miracle, a blessing. And, in the know what I mean." Lazlow: "Err... It is impossible..change diapers and then you are a French maid? Fernando knows not." Lazlow: "Well, I mean, you know, it's an age-old problem, I mean, how do you keep the excitement in a marriage?

" Woman: "The Abdomatrix, the Thigh-asizer, tummy stapling, I've had my mouth sewn up, my hands chopped off, you name it, I've tried it! Using a new technology called bio-rhythmic-subconscious-gymnastics, The Dormatron exercises you while you sleep. Fernando, welcome." Fernando: "The pleasure is mine Lazlow. The bond between the father and the made in heaven.

Segment 4 - Jane the difficult parent "I love that button! It started to affect my marriage." Man: "She was too big for me, and I'll sleep with anything! I was so excited, I didn't even notice I'd been hit! I think I'll put this on the top shelf, hey, what's the weather like down there? " Female Voice (posh): "If it's a flash-in-the-pan technology of absolutely no use to anyone, you can find it at House of Tomorrow! " Seg 11 - Fernando Lazlow: "And now it is my great pleasure to welcome Fernando Martinez, who it says here is the founder of 'Fernando's New Beginnings,' a revolutionary new way of saving your marriage. And a man with needs..needs a woman to tuck his babies into the bed, but for his bed he needs something else. " Fernando: "By giving him what he needs..a controlled environment.

Segment 3 - Vegetable man "Albino carrots, as they're known back home." 006 ... " Lazlow: "Ermm, actually, I can't say that I do...if I did eat too much squirrel and put on a few extra pounds, I'd use the Dormatron...unlike those other exercise machines that require you to be awake, the Dormatron actually exercises you over night." Dormitron (commercial) Woman: "I've tried everything, and I just couldn't keep those extra two- hundred pounds off! " Man: "I was grabbing a sandwich in the Happy Blimp, and all-of-a-sudden these guys crashed through the window and started shooting at each other! " Male Voice: "The game doesn't end until there's only one man left standing!! You're all the same you giants, 'oh, I'm tall, I'm so important, listen to me talk about my tall stuff. I was bored stupid, at my daughter's recitals and my son's little-league games...thanks to House of Tomorrow, I can play wireless head-to-head 3D virtual reality poker...literally anywhere! We'll upgrade your system then you can upgrade your life! But I am not going to give you a big kiss, not a kiss like I a give a woman, or even a donkey. " Lazlow: "Well, I mean in this case, ignorance....kinda seems like bliss... I wasn't really up for kissing on air..I mean..." Fernando: "Why not Lazlow? If a man was born an angel, maybe it possible, but a man..born...a man. Sueo..." Lazlow: "So he starts flirting with his secretary, he takes her out for a drink, one thing leads to another, and before you know it, he's found all kinds of uses for the office furniture." Fernando: "Exactly Lazlow. On the spare half day, I save his life." Lazlow: "How? " Fernando: "Lazlow, you are very prejudice, and I no like that.

Segment 11 - Fernando Martinez "I love my wife, even though she is a fat baulker! Squirrels...squirrels is not so good, they...taste like goldfish...meat's real stringy..know what I mean? Male Voice: "Equinox...softening life's harsh realities! " Liberty City Survivor (commercial) Male Voice: "Tonight..TV event that will make history... It's the reality show where you..might be..of the action!! Well, you know you'd have an attitude too if you couldn't reach the frigging cheesy-swirls at the grocery store." Lazlow: "Yeah, I mean, sometimes it seems like the whole world's against ya, I mean..." Caller 3: "You know, we're not talking about you! You got your own show, how about letting other people talk for a change? " Man 2: "I didn't upgrade my personal organizer, and two days later I was diagnosed with a terminal illness! " Female Voice: "That's exactly why you should come visit the friendly people at House of Tomorrow..they'll set you up with all your twenty-first century technology needs." Man 3: "I only spent ,000 and now I can get e-mail in the shower or surf the Internet while I'm driving. It is a big difference, my friend." Lazlow: "'Anyway..." Fernando: "The marriage is impossible, Lazlow. For your little secretary with the short skirt and the pretty eyes and the 'come-here-and-do-this' smile, and then what my friend? A new beginning Lazlow." Lazlow: "So, how does this work? A man is a good father, a loving husband, the winner of the bread..and a half days a week. My name's Jerry, and I'm a first-time caller, and I just wanted to say 'hey Lazlow, you were real tough on Fernando back there.' I'll tell you one thing...he's a miracle worker!

Commercial 5 - House of Tomorrow "I can get email in the shower..." 016 ... Segment 26 - Language dispute & hopscotch "I only play man sports! Commercial 14 - Pets Overnight 1 "Gee whillikers, it's a puppy! Segment 27 - Inconsiderate people "Oh come on lady, you don't have 2 dollars?! Segment 28 - Military bloke "They even wired kangaroos with explosives..." 042 ... Possum, raccoons, even zebra meat, cooks up pretty good." Lazlow: "Err, do you have anything else to say, or..." Caller: "Pigeons. Sometimes, they come with notes's like...a fortune cookie with wings. Do not take Equinox if you are operating any machinery, driving a car, pregnant, a child of low age, unhappy or if your family has a history of mental disorders. We'll take 20 recently paroled guys, equip them with grenade launchers and flamethrowers..let them hunt each other down!! Hello, next caller, you are on Chatterbox." Caller 3: "Yeah, you were talking about short guys and attitudes. " Female voice: "More Americans are realizing if you don't have the latest and greatest technological devices..will fall behind! But if I say, 'hey Lazlow, your wife, she look like yesterday's dinner after I eat.' You not so happy. We already know that, see." Lazlow: "Aahh..on..." Fernando: "But Lazlow, what if you act on your fantasy. Maybe, we call it 'Man Marriage.' Then I think to a bad name! Then I think, we cal it 'Fernando's New Beginnings.' Because that is. " Fernando: "In their hearts, Lazlow, they know they have been saved." Lazlow: "Errr.. If you've got any questions for Fernando Martinez, exotic marriage guidance made easy, ring us, we have a caller on line 1, caller, you are on Chatterbox." Jerry: "Hi Lazlow, hey Fernando.

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