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Not so for their male peers, many of whom are busy chasing substantially younger women.

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When I sent out a request for stories about this phenomenon, I heard many like this, from Veronica, age 37: "When I was first dating online in my late 20s, I got hundreds of emails a week.

Eight years later, even though my pictures are better and my accomplishments more substantial, I get only a quarter as many.

Most of the guys I hear from are over 50." Women in their 20s, including those who set firm upper-age limits, report being inundated by messages from men who are far older than that stated preference.

I got a cheeky anonymous email recently: "I'd like to commission an article on the plight of sexually invisible middle aged men.

I thought you'd be the perfect person to do it." As an insult, it was a mildly clever thing to say to a 44-year-old writer.

But it reminded me of the reality that aging men do experience anxiety about our own diminishing attractiveness.

It's hardly news to point out that men are more concerned about their bodies than ever before, but the fear of visibly aging is no longer limited to women, if it ever was. It's a lament I've heard from many of my male peers, who complain that they don't get "checked out" as often as they claim they once did.

"Young women look at me and they see someone who looks like their Dad," my friend Sean said.

"They may still smile, but there's no flirtation or desire behind it." Women over 35 often report the same thing.

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