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No matter your age, the way to connect with a man in the “I think you’re hot and would be interested in going out with you” way is to flirt.It’s as true online as in person; flirtation isn’t about being a tease, it’s about showing your interest and curiosity – and piquing his.When I suggest that to the over-40 single women in my dating workshops and coaching programs, I can see them cringe.

They consider it quite childish, bordering on classless. That means online you’ll never hear from him again, and offline he might ask you for lunch; but that’s all you’re going to get. When you see a man you’re attracted to, you want to be seen as a w-o-m-a-n! Men love to know that you consider them to be smart, capable, fascinating and funny.

I have news for you: Here is what you get when you don’t flirt with nice men: a nice conversation. You want to be seen as someone he will consider asking out. A sincere compliment in those areas will give you a huge step forward toward connection.

Here are four ways to flirt with flair and class – whether online or off – so you can get that date, and the next: 1. Have you ever noticed that we use compliments to connect with other women? (Ahem: note the word “sincere.”) You can tell him he has nice eyes, and he’ll appreciate it.

But that won’t go so far as more substantive compliments.

A confident, grownup good guy needs to hear more than you think he’s cute or you like his dog.

Tell him you agree with something he says; ask his opinion; let him suggest a book or restaurant; tell him you appreciate his jokes or that his business sounds interesting. I recommend that my clients ask and answer this question out loud: What do I like about him and what do I want him to know about me?

Tell him you want to know more about something he’s interested in. Then just have a little conversation with yourself.

When you’re online, pick something that stands out to you that the other thousands of women may not. Instead, tell him you think it’s cool that he’s an engineer and ask him what he likes to create. When you do, you will stand out and he will take a second look. This helps you get the words out so you can communicate in a genuine and open way.

When you write, let him know some real stuff about you.

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