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She seemed independent and low-maintenance, important traits for Jacob.Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars.He’d been called lazy, aimless, and irresponsible with money.

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“I’ve never been able to make a girl feel like she was the most important thing in my life,” he says.

“It’s always ‘I wish I was as important as the basketball game or the concert.’ ” An only child, Jacob tended to make plans by negotiation: if his girlfriend would watch the game with him, he’d go hiking with her.

He was passive in their arguments, hoping to avoid confrontation.

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on the East Coast and spending a few years bouncing around, Jacob moved back to his native Oregon, settling in Portland.

Almost immediately, he was surprised by the difficulty he had meeting women.

Having lived in New York and the Boston area, he was accustomed to ready-made social scenes.

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