That’s why these things need to be discussed openly, you need to share your concerns, share your thoughts.

If a person can’t grow in these areas before marriage, then they’re not going to grow in them after marriage.

So these are the kind of things that need to be settled before you get married. Did they have a problem with alcohol, drugs or other addictive ? Don’t let the “in love” experience blind you to the truth. We often reach back and bring the fears of that past relationship into the new relationship.

After marriage, we revert to being the person we were before we “fell in love.” This reality has implications for the single who is contemplating marriage. But, you choose not to let those thoughts and feelings control your behavior.

Before you marry, you had best find out what your potential souse was like before the two of you “fell in love.” Ask parents, siblings, work associates and friends, but by all means ask them questions. And you say to this new person, “Here’s what I’m feeling, here’s what I’m fearing.

I don’t want to bring that into our relationship and put that between us.

Gary: It all depends on if you’re thinking of a 16-year-old marrying a 30-year-old, or whether you’re talking about a 30-year-old marrying a 50-year-old.

The question is much more important in the early years of life.

The differences between people are colossal in those years.

After 30, 35, 40, the differences are not as important or prevalent.

So, while I don’t think there’s any arbitrary answer to this question, I would say that I think you set yourself up for problems if you’re 16 and marrying someone whose 30.

Q: Gary, should I be concerned if my boyfriend refuses to take the Love Languages quiz? If someone refuses to take a positive step in helping the relationship, yes, it’s a red flag waving because they’re not likely to be open to other things you request. So you can determine his love language even if he won’t take the quiz.

In answering your second question, you determine his love language by asking yourself, How does he respond to others? Is he giving pats on the back, is he giving words of affirmation, does he spend time talking to people? But don’t overlook the fact that he’s refusing to do something you’re requesting.

The second question is what does he complain about? Gary: Excellent question, and a question that should always be asked and answered before you get married, because whatever patterns are there before you get married will follow into the marriage.

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